Updated: Jan 20
It is hard to summarize my Tulum experience. It was a roller coaster; 16 days full of events, parties, meetings, nature adventures, gourmet expeditions, sightseeings, interesting conversations and lots of dance.... But definitely today is the best day of all. Because today I decided to go for #RADICALLOVE.
Tulum has been an amazing journey with my love and fantastic friends. But after so many days of running around to explore trendy Tulum and fantastic Mexican culture, responding to almost all the invitations, trying to fit in so many activities in remaining days...I was exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally.
A deep down sadness started to rise in me, I understood, I was missing "me" while trying to experience the outside world. And without me, there is no-one to live, to witness, to experience, to enjoy and to contribute. So I made a radical decision and I decided to stop, to check in with myself.
I woke up with the intention of treating myself as the best lover in the world. Good lovers are conscious about their loved ones needs, moods, dreams, and they respect and empower them. So today it was about ”me” to empower "me".
I did a fast check list of essential needs; healthy food & drinks, deep breathing, relaxed mind, embraced emotions, beautiful and cozy surroundings. I meditated, ate well, I witnessed my angry inner voice "How can you spend your last days of Tulum working, and hiding in your cocoon instead of socialising right now?". I understood my inner child's desire to be appreciated and included in the game. I just witnessed. And I understood myself. My inner child was not feeling alone anymore, she had me, the adult me, the lover me. I started feeling happy in all me's:)
I talked less. I ate slow. I didn't let my mind wander on things that don't really mean much to me.
Today I became the best lover to myself. Today I focused on me, first. I call this focused love and attention #radicallove.
I worked fantastic, with great focus and efficiency. No distractions from junk e-mails, push notifications. I chose how I want to work, what I want to do. There were many important topics for me that were hanging because I was too focused on others and what to catch outside. Today I finished the following; launching my own website (www.iCanay.com), outlining my book (Children First World) and sending an important long awaiting brief.
I noticed, in order to feel loved -by me- I don't need grandiose gestures, I just need my attention and empathy. There are so many "me" s in this post, I am aware, and my inner voice screams " You are such a selfish woman.' Being raised in a culture and education system where it is shamed to be a girl and a woman who goes for her own wishes, I hear this voice loudly. I am smiling and holding the space for this voice, I hear you, I understand you. And I love you. The voice starts humming a happy song, that I learned in my childhood while playing with my friends on the streets of our safe hometown. I am home. I am loved.
They say there is no others in the light of love, I discovered there is no love when you are not your own lover.
It is fresh, #radicallove started only with me. Who knows what will happen? My intention -without production force- is to be able to reflect #radicallove to others, starting with family and friends, to all like expanding circles. They say there is no others in the light of love, I discovered there is no love when you are not your own lover. My journey of #radicallove will continue, I set my intentions as a 2 months experimentation, starting from today, and hopefully to many life times.
My #radicallove act in Tulum might look irrelevant to you, especially if you are struggling with major problems in your life right now. Maybe you have financial issues, maybe you are being abused by someone you are scared of, maybe you are dealing with addictions, or mental issues. I am familiar with all these domains, in my past and today, either my own, or in a family member. These experiences can be a new post series. Today it is all about #radicallove. I ask you to do your best for yourselves when you are making the decision of what you will put in your mouth next, what you will say, and what thought you focus. It is as easy and as hard for most of us my friends. It all starts with deciding who you want to play today; a lover or an enemy to yourself?
I might be posting more about my journey, I will do only if I experience something meaningful to share for you and me. I promise not do take your time if it doesn't worth it. Because I wouldn't waste my time for a meaningless engagement, either. Thats what lovers do.
Viva life, viva #radicallove!
Special Thanks To:
My wearable art dress by Bashaques
Our Nest and WorkPlace during our Tulum journey: Treehouse
Photos by Rudy de Waele